All I want is to be with him. I want the "hurdles" or "strings" or "back story" to be over and for me to be free to be with him. He told me last night that he is not going to change his mind, that he has never thought that it is too hard and he doesn't want to be with me. I believe him, I do. I know that he loves me... But it is hard to give up the fear. The fear that my baggage is too much and it is not worth it. For the first time in nearly 13 years, I don't want to run away. I am happy with my life the way that it is. If it wasn't for this cloud hanging overhead... There is a part of me that is ready for it to all be over and is ready to give up anything for that to happen. Then there is the part of me that is angry. That part will not let the rest of me be happy. Maybe that is just another way that he is manipulating me. By allowing myself to continue to be angry with him about things that are over and done with, I'm allowing him to infringe on my happiness. That continues to give him control over me. If I truly want to let him go, and the years of doing as he wanted and feeling bad for not wanting that too, don't I have to just let it go?

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