Again, I am nearly overcome by a desire to run my fingers through his hair and to just touch him. I worry that sometimes he knows what I'm thinking and what I'm feeling. He withdraws sometimes. Like he knows how I feel and knows that it is inappropriate. I am not free to give myself to him. This is not a simple case of unrequited affection, though that may also be true. Even if I could know his feelings and his desires, and even if they matched my own, I would not be free to act upon them. I want to and I truly can't be sure how I would react to his touch. I try to imagine what I would do if he were near me and wanted to touch my skin with is own. I can imagine the feel of his soft breath against my neck and the heat of his body so close to mine... But I can't complete the image. I know what is expected of me. I know what is the correct thing to do. Unfortunately, I also know that what is expected and what is correct is not always what I do. I am suceptile to temptation. I fall victim to my own desires more than I should. I don't know that if he wanted me ... I don't know that I would say no.

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